All Aboard! Part III
Conversations on the Boat Deck
The next morning he opened one eye and noticed it was still dark outside, he carefully grabbed his phone and checked the time, 6.20 am 'gosh it's still early' he thought. He turned from his front carefully to his right side, trying not to wake Freddie who had his right arm draped over him. As he turned he saw Freddie still very much asleep pouting a little as he always did when no one was looking. He closed his eyes again, he didn't know for how long when he suddenly opened them again. He saw Freddie who was now wide awake looking at him but didn't say anything, he placed his hands on his cheek and pulled him close to him with his other hand. Freddie who kept looking at him, didn't say a word and kissed him and as he did, he started to unbutton Freddie pyjamas. The morning went on like that, kissing and giggling and eventually talking to each other after being entangled in each others limbs for the best part of the blissful morning. Eventually they decided to get up, he groaned and Freddie rolled himself off him and threw the duvet back and Freddie jumped out of bed. He walked to the window and opened the curtains that let in the sunlight. He noticed Freddie's little flat bottom as he stood there, and he chuckled as Freddie put on his robe and disappeared to the bathroom and heard the water run. He got up and plucked his pyjama top from the floor and looked out of the window for a moment. Sunny with some clouds today and walked to the wardrobe and looked for something to wear today and hung it on the chrome rod at the top of the door. Freddie appeared again, 'Can I get in?' he asked him. 'Of course, I just need to brush my teeth' and then I'm ready. 'I don't know how you do it all so quickly' he asked Freddie whilst shaking his head. After showering he slipped back into his dressing gown and got ready at his dressing table. He brushed his hair and applied some scent in accordance with his usual morning routine and threw off his dressing gown to jump into his clothes. Freddie who was ready, dressed in a brown greenish tweed suit and a cherry red jumper he borrowed from him, took a seat as was his custom on the chaise to look at him dart across the room and getting dressed rather quickly. He wore a thin navy roll neck jumper with a dark navy prince of Wales checked double breasted suit and black penny loafers with lilac ribbed socks. He opened the top drawer of the dresser and pulled out a navy polka dot pocket square. 'Right! I'm all set' he exclaimed as he stuffed his pocket square in his breast pocket. Freddie got up and walked up to him and kissed him 'Ready and looking delightful, as always' as he rubbed the tip of his nose against Freddie's. 'Thank you angel, you smell nice as always, a magical fougere mix of Gothic that meets Naturalisms, that meets Symbolism in the late 19th century.' he pontificated as Freddie looked at him amused and slightly surprised. 'And a nice jumper too!' he added with a wink. Freddie pulled him towards himself and smiled as he looked at him foreheads touching, and then let him go. 'Come on slow poke!' he said to Freddie and walked to the door and Freddie who hastily followed him, making him giggle. 'I love it when you do that silly little walk and pull that face' he chuckled. Freddie pulled a face 'I can't help it!' he said as he grabbed his hand as they walked out of the door.
They walked down the long corridor greeting their steward along the way towards the main staircase and walked down one deck. Shall we quickly go through the gallery and the lobby? It's 10.30 and I don't want to rush breakfast' he said to Freddie as they crossed the lift lobby and Freddie followed him. The lift lobby and the gallery were quite busy with people coming back from breakfast and starting their day. They skipped down the stairs of the lobby which was beautiful and bright with the morning sun pouring in through the tall windows, illuminating every corner of the vast room. They walked through the fumoir and up the stairs to the Grill for breakfast. They entered via the beige marble corridor to the grill and it looked completely different by daylight. The dark green marble accents looked rich and deep and the mirrored and malachite columns reflected the light to every corner of the room. The Grill was still busy with people ordering breakfast and waiters dancing between tables with their breakfast trolleys and pots of steaming tea and coffee. The Maître brought them to their table at the window and they sat down. They sat at one of the large rectangular windows that was curved to follow the demi moon shape of the restaurant at the stern of the ship. Outside large white clouds passed by and some people walking past who took in the sea air and some who sat on a sun lounger with a heavy red and gold car blanket. There was a pianist who lightly tinkled away on the piano and they placed their orders. Freddie got up and walked to the little reading table at the steps of the upper circle where they were sitting and returned with a Country Life and a Town & Country. 'Oh how thoughtful you are!' he said and Freddie smiled. 'Seemed to be rather a good idea for breakfast' Freddie remarked. 'You know' he continued, 'I find this whole ship business actually quite relaxing. There isn't that much to do but to walk around, eat, dress up and kiss you often. And then doing that all over again' he chuckled. He looked content and reached for his hand over the table. He looked at Freddie whilst they were drenched in sun light and held his hand. 'Well, you see that's the advantage of travelling by ship, I suppose, it's relaxing and the lots of kissing me as you put it, is terribly good for you.' he winked at Freddie. As they were talking the waiter poured their Earl Gray and placed the silver tea pot on the edge of their table. He looked at their delectable breakfast, served on pink trimmed ivory plates with a gold band with matching tea cups. He had ordered creamed eggs with bacon, toast and some yoghurt with fruit on the side. Freddie had two fried eggs and bacon and they shared toast and bitter orange marmalade with butter, that was a thing they both greatly enjoyed in the morning. They ate their breakfast and talked for a bit and enjoyed the view from their window and they flicked thorough their magazines and read each other passages from articles they found funny or interesting. He adored the mimicries Freddie did when reading an article about a refurbished building for a purpose Freddie thought appalling and the faces he pulled whilst reading it made him throw his head back with laughter. 'Do you generally think its that funny?!' Freddie asked him. 'Yes! It's you telling the story with such gusto and disbelief that does it for me.' 'And not the fact that this building is ruined?' Freddie asked. 'Well, that too. But for me it's more the things I see in you that truly matter' he added. Freddie put his magazine down and sat back in his chair. He looked puzzled for a moment and then looked at him. 'I wonder sometimes how you are able to see these things. Things I don't always see myself' he said pensively. He smiled at him for a moment before he replied, 'Well you see, I've always seen these things my dear. That and many others things. But it took you a while to see as we know, but you're there now.' Freddie looked at him for a moment and took a sip of tea and squeezed his hand when Freddie reached for it. He smiled and they finished their breakfast in silence.
When they finished their breakfast they returned to their suite to find everything prim and proper again and fresh flowers in the drawing room. He wore his long dark mink coat and Freddie put on his navy overcoat and as they were walking out he wrapped Freddie with his large mink scarf to prevent him from getting cold. 'Our morning constitutional on the boat deck dear?' Freddie asked him. 'Oh absolutely, we had a lot to eat for breakfast too. But shall we start with the Sun Deck this time?' he replied. Freddie nodded and they set off for the Sun Deck first to have a look at the tennis court and the funnels. The lift whizzed up to the top deck and they climbed onto deck and got struck by a strong but delightfully cool breeze. The sun shone brightly through the clouds and the sea air filled their lungs. They started almost at the bridge and walked towards the stern with the wind in their backs almost blowing them forward across the deck since they were so high up. They saw the two large tennis courts each with a high green net around them to prevent the balls from escaping. Only one was in use at the moment and they looked at the couple playing tennis for a bit. As they walked on they reached the first red and black funnel which was absolutely enormous when seen upclose with two horns on the front big enough to fit two people. 'I can't believe how tall they are when you see them up close!' He exclaimed. Freddie looked up and squinted as he looked at the enormous funnel which blew out white smoke. 'Apparently the second funnel is just for aesthetics. It houses the dog kennel I believe' he giggled. 'Oh excellent!' Freddie exclaimed 'so we could bring Poppy next time.' They both laughed and carried on walking, in between the two funnels, almost bang in the middle of the ship on the top deck in 9 foot tall letters was spelled out the superliner's name, BRETAGNE set in huge light bulbs as some kind of beacon. It was an impressive thing to behold they both thought and they remembered where they were all of a sudden. In the middle of the icy Atlantic ocean on board the biggest and probably the most elegant superliner ever built. They continued walking and reached the end of the Sun Deck and looked out over the stern of the ship and the heated swimming pool that was being used by a few brave souls who faced the icy winds out on deck. They walked back towards the bridge looking over the railings every now and again to remind themselves at what incredible height they found themselves, give both him and Freddie the shivers. As they almost reached the front of the ship again, out of the blue the ships horns blew one loud blast. They both squealed with excitement and amazement when it happed and Freddie looked at his watch 'Midday' he said. 'Shall we go down to the boat deck?' He asked and Freddie nodded and they made their way down via the observation deck facing the bow of the ship. They stood there for a while along with some other people as the Bretagne sliced her way through the icy waves with nothing ahead of her but a sapphire blue ocean. 'How long until we reach Southampton?' Freddie asked. 'Mmm... 3 days, Fred. Why? You're not getting bored of me already are you? Only an hour ago you were saying how much you enjoyed it' he teased him. 'No, no. I was just wondering, it's amazing to think how they navigate their way through endless water, don't you think?' He nodded and they were quiet again until they walked on. They continued along the Boat deck, finding it more agreeable to walk there since the wind wasn't so strong and they easily walked three laps chatting and laughing. 'I've walked more aboard a ship than I do on any given day!' Freddie exclaimed. He wasn't wrong, ever since they had said foot on board, they had walked an awful lot, so much so that both him and Freddie had muscle aches at certain points in the day because of the walking which often was remedied by a cup of tea in the tea room or elsewhere sometimes with a biscuit or a little friandises.
Freddie held on to the railing at one point as they found a spot with a teak wind screen and two deck chairs with large burgundy and gold heavy car blankets. 'Shall we pause for a moment dearest?' He asked. He nodded and they both sat down half in the sun and half in the shade, quite comfortably covered with a blanket and sheltered from the wind sitting close to each other. He pulled out a pair of round tortoise sunglasses from his pocket and put them on as they sat there, Freddie looked at him and did the same. They relaxed there for a moment leaning their heads back on the lounger and soaking up the sun and the sea air which felt comfortably warm at one point. 'Dearest, you remember those things you said at breakfast?' Freddie started with some hesitation. 'Well, you know me, I say a lot of things during the day. But most of it is true' he joked. Freddie chuckled, 'Well, the things you said about me' he continued. He looked at Freddie a bit more seriously, 'what about them darling?' He asked. 'Well, you see. You're very right about them. You are, as you put it actually right about most things to be honest. And I'm not saying that for the sake of it.' Freddie continued, 'the truth is because of you I've been seeing things about myself that I never believed I had in me. The good things, the things that I often tried to hide because I thought they probably were not true or not good enough or at times I thought I didn't deserve those things, love and validation often being one of those things.' He paused for a moment and looked out at sea. 'You see, you see me like no one else has, the whole package, the good sides, the not so good sides and the scars. And I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for that. Although, over the years I did a pretty horrible job at showing that to you.' He was surprised for a moment, he never really thought Freddie would mention that. That he would have the courage to actually tell him face to face, looking at him as he said it. 'Well, it's you telling me Freddie. But you are right you know. I did and I still do see all those beautiful sides of you perhaps even more than ever now. I saw them from the moment I first met you, I saw the person who you were, not the person who you were trying to be for so long. I recognised you under that domed ceiling, when I shook your hand and there you were, shaking like a leaf pretending not to show me how nervous you were.' He said. 'I was nervous because something in me told me even then that I had met my match. Even though I didn't want to admit that to myself at the time, how young we were at the time...' Freddie said with a sigh. 'I know, you know Freddie, I actually know more than you probably think I know. Don't ask me how, I couldn't explain it to you. It's just my...' 'intuition' Freddie interrupted him. 'Yes' he chuckled, 'my intuition' he continued. 'And you, forgive me for saying it, have made your biggest mistakes when you didn't follow you heart, you intuition over the years Freddie. But you know that already' Freddie nodded and looked out at sea again he knew that he knew, had always known, he had admired him for it, it was one of the reason why he loved him so apart that he saw his inner most feelings and that he understood them in some inexplicable way. That terrified him too at the same time. 'You see, I have never been good with these kind of things. I'd always hidden these feelings away. Tucked far away, bottled up. Pretended that they weren't there. But they would always come back to haunt me' Freddie started again. 'And the harder and further away you ran, the more aggressively these feelings came back to you, I bet?' He responded. Freddie nodded again 'and it all boiled down to the same things, love, emotions and acceptance, things I never dealt with...' He was quiet now and looked out over the deck and sea. 'Having blind faith in something that doesn't support you as a person or your feelings is a recipe for disaster, but you know that now I hope' he eventually said with a sigh. 'I was keeping it in so much and running away from it for so long, that one day, as you told me once, it overwhelmed me with such a force I could barely cope with it, it flooded me to the point of no return. That was when I wrote to you' Freddie said. 'I know, dearest' he replied. 'But you have been working on it, so much lately, you were completely different when I saw you then, brighter, happier, confident in a way' he went on. 'But I was terrified. I had no idea how you would react after how I treated you. I was ready for you to chop me up in pieces and feed me to the wolves. That's what I deserved at times to be honest with you and I've always been very ashamed of that behaviour towards you, that shame prevented me from coming forward. But you didn't hurt me or put me down, you listened, one more time' Freddie stopped talking, his lips pursed and he took a deep breath and swallowed. He eventually went on, 'In trying to protect myself from more heartbreak that I caused myself, I pushed you away trying to protect myself, unsuccessfully. But by doing so I've hurt myself more than ever, every single time I did that and repeating that pattern of heartbreak over and over again breaking your heart but most of all, smashing mine to smithereens. I couldn't do that anymore. It was, like you said too overwhelming what I felt for you, that I couldn't, I couldn't hold it inside anymore. I had to release those things, those thoughts, beliefs and people that pushed me back ten steps every single time I took one step forward, in becoming myself. I've been trying to act on all the things you told me. So I really had no choice but to come forward one more time in honesty, and discarding my armour and be vulnerable with you, who had always been open and vulnerable with me.' He kept looking at Freddie as the words came out, he was slightly shocked, but also happy and flooded with feelings of love and compassion for him. They were silent for a while and for once he struggled to say something to Freddie, not because he didn't know what to say, lots of things came to mind. 'I love you, I told you so, finally, what took you so bloody long?!' Were a few of those thoughts. He was stunned at Freddie's frankness and vulnerability and honesty that he admired beyond everything. Eventually he said 'Freddie, you have no idea, or maybe you do, how much it means to me that you tell me all this. It must have been such a relief to let all those feelings out, after holding them in for so long. The fact that you trust me this much and to bare your heart like this to me...' He paused for a moment and went one as Freddie looked out at the waves and the gathering clouds in the distance. 'I've given you one more chance because I saw something in you clicked into place as it were. I could sense it the moment I laid eyes on you, you're not that same fragile person anymore Fred!' He said. Freddie smiled with emotion and looked at him briefly. 'You've done it, you've fought that battle, you finally vanquished that what was eating at you for so long, dragging you down for no reason. You've vanquished it by looking it in the eye and rose above it. It can't hurt you anymore! And for that I'm infinitely proud of you. Because I knew you had it in you, that you could do it, even though you never believed me in the past. 'Freddie nodded but couldn't make a sound. 'But one more thing I will say my dearest, darling boy. That beautiful and sometimes fragile heart of yours, it's safe here in my hands, next to my fragile heart. Please remember that wherever we go in life. If you can remember that, all will be well, always.' They both were quiet for a while. Looking at the waves crash into the sea as the ship moved through them, contemplating about what they just talked about. The mood became lighter after a moment, like the sea air had taken it with her and released it. Freddie sat up and looked at him, he smiled and as he stood up he reached for his hand which he took. He pulled him up and kissed him unlike he had ever done before and they held each other for a long time, longer and more closely than they ever had done before.
He left Freddie there on deck for a while to have a moment to himself. He decided to go to the library for a few hours since he hadn't seen it yet and Freddie said it was worth a visit. Upon arrival he understood why, long corridors all in walnut panelling with endless books filled the room. The light was quite low adding to the ambiance of the room and reading corners with comfortable chaises and chairs and desk with reading lamps. The library was positioned at the front of the ship overlooking the bow and had windows all along the front with a comfortable beige bouclé chaise with mahogany armrests to enjoy the view. The collection was astonishing, there was a vast amount of books on most topics you could think of, art, interiors, fiction, classics, architecture, gardening and current affairs. He found the art section soon enough and ran his fingers along the spines of the books as he looked for a book that he found interesting. He found a few books that peaked his interest and found the best corner to sit. He sat at the window directly below the port's bridge wing so he had a fantastic view of the bow the ship whilst flicking through his books. He didn't read any of it though, his mind wandered to Freddie and the things they discussed and hoped that he was all right. He wondered often about it and how it had affected Freddie over time. Two hours went by and he dozed off for a moment covered by his books when all of a sudden he jumped when his phone buzzed. He looked at the his phone and saw a message form Freddie, 'where are you? x' it read. He replied that he was still in the library and Freddie would pick him up there. He sat up and tidied the books away and walked around the corridors waiting if he could see Freddie. After a while Freddie appeared but didn't see him straight away and he followed him from behind another bookshelf and suddenly turned a corner that made Freddie jump. 'Oh my dear!' Freddie exclaimed and he chuckled and grabbed hold of Freddie's jacket and hugged him. 'You're so mean!' Freddie whispered and kissed him quickly. Once he recovered they looked through the bookshelves for a bit and decided to return to their suite. They were changing in order to go to the swimming pool on E deck. He appeared from the bathroom wearing an ankle length heavy crepe ivory robe trimmed with a wide navy band along its edge and was tied closed with a navy belt and wore navy and ivory trimmed swimming trunks to match. Freddie did a double take and looked at him in amazement, 'When did you pack that?!' he exclaimed. 'You look like you're on the Lido in Venice in 1933! it's gorgeous' he continued. He smiled and walked over to wardrobe and pulled something out of the bottom of his suitcase. 'I'm glad you like it dearest, because I got you a similar one too.' He unfolded a plain navy heavy crepe dressing gown that was trimmed with a very narrow double ivory trim. Freddie smiled broadly, 'How did you do that? It's gorgeous!' Freddie looked gobsmacked and tried the robe over his shirt. 'Well, I ordered some shirts and I was telling to them saying I wanted a beach robe and we came up with this. I loved mine so much that I decided to order you a navy one, which in the rare occasion you wouldn't like, I would keep for myself' he said with a chuckle. 'But I love it!' Freddie said with a broad smile. Moments later Freddie reappeared from bathroom wearing his new robe. 'Oh, how handsome you are!' he exclaimed and Freddie blushed and looked pleased with his new robe and they set off to E deck to the pool. The pool was a fascinating place, they entered via a peach coloured frosted glass door that was overlaid with a brass grate that was studded with brass shells. The cream stone floor led to a large octagonal swimming pool that had a silver domed ceiling matching the shape of the pool that reflected the water ripples. The walls were covered a fine mosaic of various shades of deep blue interspersed with flecks of gold and coral. The four corners of the rectangular room were adorned with a large alabaster like vases that we lit from within and lit the room subtlety. The sides of the room were lined burgundy lacquered chaise longue upholstered in a powder pink cloth. They were the only people in the pool at that moment and apart from the tranquil music in the background that was barely audible the atmosphere was quiet and comfortably warm and cocoon-like with the silver ceiling and the shimmering walls and the golden light. They draped their robes on one of the chaises and he slowly walked into the pool using the pale stone steps and then dived in flicking his hair back as he surfaced. Freddie sat on one of the chaises observing him as he swam a few lengths in the azure water of the pool. He swam on his back looking a the ripples of light reflecting on the silver ceiling and he noticed Freddie slowly stepping into the pool in his bright pink swimming trunks. Freddie walked towards him and he reached out for Freddie's hands, and they swam a few lengths together. He sighed and held on the Freddie's arm whilst they floated around in silence. Freddie who was still able to reach the bottom of the pool, pulled him towards him and held him close for a while. They floated there for a while not saying anything but only looked at each other, all of a sudden he wrapped his legs around Freddie's waist and leaned backwards floating on the water and spread his arm like wings to guide him. Freddie held on to his waist and slowly started to turn around in circles and let him float freely on his back across the pool. It was a wonderful sensation he thought, drifting on the surface, being carried by the boy he loved whilst looking at Freddie and the reflective silver ceiling. For a while they kissed and held each other close in perfect silence apart from the occasional giggle and Freddie traced his facial features with his hands, and caressed his cheeks down to his neck and chest without breaking eye contact. The moment came they realised they were almost like prunes and they slowly walked out of the pool and dried themselves off, put their robes back on to return to their suite. The lift whizzed up and moments later they stood in their drawing room. When they looked out of the window they noticed that the clear skies had been taken over by heavy grey snow clouds and that the last rays of sunlight were starting to set at the horizon behind the thick veil of clouds. He slipped on his long mink coat and opened the door to their balcony and stepped out. The seascape was magical, the last golden and mauve shades of sunlight were disappearing behind the coloured clouds and into the blue hour as a heavy snow was setting in on a misty sea. The sea was getting slightly choppier and a thin veil of fog settled as the Bretagne was gliding through it effortlessly.
After their bathing ritual, they decided to get dressed and have a long aperitif before going through to supper. When he came out of the bathroom Freddie sat at the dressing table brushing his hair in his usual side parting with two ivorine military brushes which bared his initials in a elongated font that he once gave him for his birthday. He tied his bow and adjusted his butterfly collar. He approached Freddie and observed him. 'You wore a collar like that once, when I first met you' he said as he looked at him fiddling with the bow and collar. 'You still have that dinner suit too, which you always wore with those light golden silk braces. Freddie smiled 'I have those with me' he said and he indicated to the bed where they were waiting to be worn next to his jacket. He smiled as he noticed them and opened his robe and started to get dressed. From the table he reached for a large black and white box that opened in the middle which housed a large rectangular scent bottle and dabbed on his heady powdery scent which was his signature for most of his life and applied it to his usual pulse points. He moved closer to Freddie who finished brushing his hair, and gently loosened Freddie's hair to make it a bit more voluminous. Freddie looked at him in the mirror and raised an eyebrow but remained silent as he knew he liked it when his hair wasn't too smooth. He walked over to the wardrobe and put on a white dinner shirt of fine Swiss voile with a densely pleated bib and used large pearl buttons to close it. He wore fuchsia pink socks and silk braces to match and tied his large silk bow before putting on his double breasted diner jacket and slipped on his patent pumps. Before he was ready to go he opened another deep green, gold edged box and pinned two 1930's diamond set clips on the collar of his dinner jacket. Freddie was also ready and stood up and put his watch in the pocket of his black ribbed silk waistcoat and looked at him to see what progress he was making and to his delight realised that he was ready to go too. 'Oh we're making good time tonight dearest' he said teasingly and he walked up to Freddie and said 'It was only you who was fussing tonight with your hairbrushes and changing your cufflinks twice.' Freddie pulled his usual face and remained quiet as he walked to the drawing room and followed him there. 'Shall we come back for our coats after supper?' He asked Freddie, who agreed and slowly set off in search for a cocktail. They ventured to the very front of the ship directly below the bridge to the Library Bar where they would settle for an aperitif. The Library bar was a relatively narrow curved room that ran along the entire front of the ships curved superstructure and was fitted out with large rectangular windows that gave way like the library one deck below to impressive views of the ships bow and the ocean ahead of it. The overall decoration of the bar was rather dark and mysterious and the walls were adorned with dark walnut panelling and gilded metal and glass reliefs. The floor was covered in a dark wood in a sunray motif and featured a very impressive gilded and Macassar wooden bar with a deep black stone top backed with a large mirrored wall that was covered in bottles of spirits and liqueurs on one side of the room. The room was furnished with lots of sleek, plush settees and chaises in deep jewel colours, They were sat in a corner next to the last window in deep green velvet chaises with mahogany fittings. Freddie sat next the window and looked out at sea, the snow was coming down heavily now and settled on bow and deck of the ship. 'Golly it's really coming down now isn't it?' as he looked out of the window 'It looks so magical' he replied with a smile and he looked at the menu. He glanced over it a few times but decided to order. 'A White Lady please' he asked the waiter who had come to their table and Freddie ordered a gin martini, stirred with a twist. He sat in front of a navy and gold lacquered folding screen that was intricately carved and framed in navy glossy stained wood that reflected the light coming from the sconces on the wall. He observed Freddie who seemed to be high spirits tonight, 'probably as a result of the conversation we had this afternoon' he thought. They felt the ship sway a bit in the swells and the snow was coming down harder than ever. A dense layer had already formed on the bow and both of them looked out of the window with wonder. Their drinks and canapés were served and they settled into their delightful little corner of the bar whilst more people started to walk in. The pianist started playing and they sipped their aperitifs, they recognised a couple of people from boarding who like them had an early aperitif that evening. They sat there for a long time talking about everything and nothing, as they always did and exchanged loving looks and Freddie talked and talked animatedly. 'I'm happy we're going home though' he said after a while. 'Yes, so am I' said Freddie, 'I like to have our own things around us and go for our walks and have supper at our places, even though The Grill and the Grand Dining room aren't that bad' he said with a wink. He chuckled, and they both were quiet for a moment as they finished their second cocktail. 'I can't have another one though' he said with a sigh, 'I'll never make it to supper otherwise.' Freddie laughed in his glass and agreed with him and they decided to slowly make their way to the dining room, but before they left he got something out of his pocket, 'hang one Fred, I've got something or you' and he got a little box he kept next to him, he opened the box and tissue paper and produced a lovely ivory silk Camelia. Freddie looked at it and smiled, 'Is that for me?' he said. He nodded and reached out to Freddie to put the Camelia in his buttonhole on his lapel, 'There, now you look even more handsome.' Freddie got up and straightened his waistcoat and offered his arm to him, which he took and arm in arm they set off through the darkened bar towards the exit which led to the Promenade deck. Freddie blushed a bit when he looked at him and whispered, 'Thank you dearest' and kissed him on the forehead. On the Promenade deck you could hear the wind howl and cry from inside and the the snow whizzed passed the ship at great speed, they looked out of one of the windows on the Promenade deck along with some other people to enjoy the weather as they were comfortably locked away inside. Arm in arm they slowly walked along the deck looking at their patent shoes as they walked in tandem and smiled at each other as they noticed. 'Do you think we'll ever get used to having supper in any other restaurant after being spoilt with such a grand room?' Freddie asked him. He thought about it and replied, 'Well, I suppose we'll have to make do with any old restaurant or brasserie. But, if we can't cope we can always go to Paris for a long weekend...' He looked at Freddie who's eyes lit up, 'That will be our next adventure! And you can bring me to that lovely house decorated in 18th century furniture near Parc Monceau and those Deco brassiere's which you always tell me about' he continued. He laughed out loud, 'that's a promise, but first let's make sure we actually return home from this trip before booking our next trip' Freddie nodded in agreement and they walked through the large double doors through to the Embarkation Hall and walked towards the lift lobby to take the stairs down one deck to the Grand Dining Room. As they walked down Freddie mentioned, 'You're right actually, The first thing I want to do when we get home is to sit on the sofa with you in the evening and light the candles and look at each other do absolutely nothing, not even reading a book. We could just listen to some music and look at each other' Freddie looked lovingly at him as he said it and he stopped all of a sudden just before they reached the dining room lobby. He let go of Freddie's arm and looked at him and all of a sudden kissed him over and over again, holding him close. Freddie was caught of guard a bit and smiled as he walked on and turned around to look at Freddie with a smirk 'What are you waiting for dear?' he said cheekily. Freddie skipped along the lobby and caught up with him and he took Freddie's arm as they walked through the large doorway towards the anti-chambre of the dining room. Freddie walked up to the the large desk made of the same deep rose marble as the room and parts of the dining room, the maître recognised him, 'Good evening Mr Hamilton' and he gestured to their waiter to bring them to their table. Together they walked through the brass doorway and into the Grand Dining Room again and slowly walked down the stairs into the dining room that was almost full, it was an impressive sight to behold. The lights we're dimmed as was the custom and the air was fresh in order for people to huddle in their furs comfortably during supper. Arm in arm they walked down the stairs encased in deep pink marble and framed in brass with back lit glass. The music played lively and glasses clinked, people talked and laughed and the atmosphere felt more at ease that evening, like the pressure of the first proper night was off. As they walked along the aisle to their table, people looked up at the dashing couple passing. Freddie's tall and slim stature and his dark curly hair slightly glossy and proudly holding him at his arm. He shimmered with his clips in the semi darkened room next to the huge Lalique light pots and the coromandel screens setting off the pallor of his skin, holding on to Freddie's arm like they were both floating across the room in the sheer delight of each others company for everyone to see.
I wish you could hear all the words I was too afraid to say
As they sat down at their table, they smiled politely at the people sitting next to them but they preferred not to speak. He sat back comfortably in his chair and looked around at the lightpots, the pink marble encasing the brass etched glass centrepiece on the wall and the waiters, impeccably dressed walk past. They were presented with their menus and they took a while to order, contemplating their choices in silence, but once they decided and Freddie had ordered the wine, the conversation resumed. Freddie was commenting on the acoustics of the room, which we're by all means impressive absorbing the noise of over 800 people dinging there in one sitting and the observed the intimate booths for diners of a group of six who were tucked away in a comfortable booth lined in pink marble and deep gold velvet curtains. Their starter was served, for both a two seared slices of Foie Grass accompanied by toasted buttery brioche and Gewürztraminer jelly, it was delightfully delicate and the Ruinart was the perfect accompaniment. As they slowly ate their meal the music went from classical to a more jazzy note which put him very much at ease as they played a few of their favourite tunes. 'Do you think they're doing it on purpose?' Freddie asked. 'Doing what on purpose dear?' he asked. 'Playing all the songs we love!' Freddie exclaimed with a smile, he was obviously enjoying himself. Their plates were cleared and they sat back, 'perhaps they know' he said casually. 'Perhaps they know what?' Freddie asked as he was looking at the little orchestra playing in the corner. 'What day is it today dear?' he asked. Freddie looked at his phone, 'the 5th of February' he replied. He smiled as he said 'Well that's good to know...' Freddie looked at him, slightly puzzled 'It's eight years ago that we met each other. The 5th of February' Freddie looked at him in amazement and looked pensive for a moment but then smiled ' The day my life changed' he finally said 'and mine dearest' he replied. 'I can't believe it's been eight years already. I'm sorry for the misery that some of those eight years have brought you... and me. All my own doing I'm afraid' Freddie added with a sigh. 'Yes some of it was quite miserable and lonely, for both of is suspect. But I couldn't be happier we did meet. I couldn't imagine my life without you quite frankly' he replied. 'Mmm... No neither could I, not for a moment. I tried to, but never to much avail and every time leading to much heartbreak as I told you this afternoon' Freddie said. 'Yes, I can imagine. But Frederic, for me the world is a more beautiful place knowing that you exist' he eventually replied. The waiter poured more champagne and served their main course, game with Fine de Champagne sauce. Freddie looked at him for a long time, unable to speak or move for that matter. Eventually he tried, 'Dearest, the thing is, I never expected I could have this, I never expected that I would find someone. Someone like you no less, who sees all these things in me and who is strong enough to bear what I had to go through without letting me fall at the first hurdle.' 'Nor at the 5th hurdle' he added with a chuckle. 'But the thing is Freddie, you reached out, I couldn't after everything, but you gave yourself one more chance, you trusted yourself enough to make it right, to make it last this time' he said tenderly but in a matter of fact kind of way. 'You see, if you wait to be ready to do something, you'll wait the rest of your life, no matter what it is' he started. 'You reached out and we found a way together because you showed a different side of you, a side no one ever saw but which I knew existed, the side of you which I always saw without you noticing, that side you tucked away for too long' he continued. Freddie was quiet again. 'I've been putting you through it? Haven't I?' he asked Freddie, who nodded and tried to smile. 'Yes' he said eventually. 'But this is needed, there is no other way through it, except together with you.' They were quiet again, ' Lets eat something before we fade away of hunger and the poor bird gets cold' he joked. They enjoyed their meal and talked about some lighter things for a while but Freddie was despite of the serious conversations, in an elated mood which he enjoyed to see. Pudding was served and in a moment of daringness, he had ordered Freddie's Grand Marnier soufflé of the night before and Freddie had ordered his Ile Flottante and they didn't regret it even though he threatened Freddie to swap with him if he didn't enjoy it that much. Much to Freddie's relief, he did and they both finished their pudding at quite a fast pace, him smiling at Freddie with soufflé filled cheeks that made Freddie laugh out loud. 'You know dear,' Freddie started, 'What do I know Freddie?' he replied and looked at him inquisitively. 'I wish that you could only hear all the things I was too afraid to say to you when we were together all those times in the past. When I didn't have the courage the say it to you' he said. 'What would you have told me then?' he asked. ' How much I loved you, already at the time, how much I admired your independence and strength and individuality' he went one. He chuckled, 'I do remember you saying to me once in that country town we went to once, when we walked to that abbey by the river that you found me so attractive because "I was unlike all the other people you had ever met." He smiled, 'yes I remember that, and it's still true. You are, unlike anyone I've ever met. That's your greatest strength, one of the things I admire you for' Freddie said. They finished their champagne and they made their way to the towards the stairs again, walking slowly with him holding Freddie's hand. They made their way to the Promenade deck as did quite few people and as they looked out of the porthole they noticed that it was snowing a great deal less than it was before, only if it was for a moment. Freddie looked at him and smiled and said 'shall I get our coats?' He smiled and nodded with excitement but before Freddie could walk off he held his hand, 'For what it's worth my dear, you're unlike any one I've ever met. And after eight years I love you more now than I ever did before. Perhaps because I understand it better now. But a person like you or me only comes about once in a lifetime, so I'm glad we've not wasted it.' They looked at each other and he noticed how moved Freddie looked by what he just said. 'You don't know how much that means to me' he said eventually and kissed him quickly and Freddie ran off to their suite and returned minutes later with his broadtail cape and his overcoat along with his mink scarf to keep him warm. 'I have an idea!' he said to Freddie and he grabbed him by his arm and they almost ran to the lift. He pressed a button and the lift whizzed up again. 'Now, I'm going to cover your eyes, Freddie. Do you trust me?' Freddie looked at him amused and puzzled at the same time. 'Of course I do!' he exclaimed. He smiled broadly and he clumsily wrapped the mink scarf over his eyes 'This will keep me warm outside' Freddie said in a muffled voice and he laughed. The lift doors opened and Freddie held on to him guiding him to the corridor and out on deck where the wind swept his cape up and carefully walking through the snow in his pumps trying to guide Freddie where to go they walked along the Sun deck for a little bit. At a certain point he asked Freddie to stop walking and turned him around. 'Are you ready? he said to Freddie and he nodded and as he took the scarf off, Freddie squinted and gasped at the same time. Out on the Sun deck, covered in snow were the nine foot tall letters brightly shining spelling out the liners name BRETAGNE radiating with a light that was almost as bright as sunlight in between the two enormous funnels also beautifully lit from below, drenching the Sun deck and it's passengers in a cast of warm bright light like being on a theatre stage. Freddie kept looking at it and smiled broadly, 'This is fantastic!' he exclaimed! I never though they would be so wonderful at night' he said in amazement. he didn't say anything he just looked a Freddie admiring the huge, brightly lit letters that towered over them and drenched them in light. Freddie turned towards him, his scarf fluttering in the wind and his cape billowing up at the same time. 'Here we are, on the ship of lights in the middle of the Atlantic ocean' he said to Freddie who smiled at him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close towards him looking at him intensely. A door opened and music from the Veranda bar behind the last funnel was audible in the distance and they noticed the snow started to fall heavily again. 'Dearest,' he started as he looked at him holding him even closer. 'Yes, Freddie' he replied. Freddie's voice shook a bit as he went on, 'I love you, you, more than ever, I realised that a while ago and today's conversations only confirmed those feelings. It's something I've have kept inside for so long and I was wondering if you would do me the honour and the pleasure to stay by my side now and quite honestly for the rest of our lives?' he said with the broadest smile he had ever seen on his face, but judging by his tone of voice and the look in his eyes he noticed he was nervous and very serious. He kept looking at him and didn't reply straight away but smiled as broadly as he could. 'Freddie, Freddie, Freddie' he started and at the moment Freddie moved one hand from his waist to his cheek. 'Freddie, Freddie, Freddie' he continued 'I love you Freddie and I couldn't possibly imagine of being anywhere else I'd rather be than with you, now and forever.'
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